where his demons play

everyone always tells you of the difficulty that exists

of finding every little piece of yourself that you lose

when you pour your heart into someone

with a jug that will not be put down

and a cup that will never be full

a present so willingly

so constantly given in full

to the first who will accept

and in turn provide a label's security

a difficulty that permeates every aspect of existing

a difficulty you always knew about but foolishly thought

this could never happen to me

we will make this love work

i will make this love work

but love does not work like that

love cannot be sustained by the will of one alone

a love of only one side

is merely a constant glorification

a glorification that begins to drain you

first, the parts that you had just barely started to water

then at the parts grown from the storms that you weathered

until nothing is left but a desert of who you used to be

a barren, hellish landscape where his demons play

his demons begin to take shape in you

his trauma coloring your trauma

but love cannot conquer all demons

and there comes a point you must choose you

so you jump without checking for parachutes or life jackets

the scales finally tipped far enough for you

and so you pull the trigger and choose

you choose rebuilding the broken pieces that are left

over a future of being broken even further

the demons you constructed

put down their weapons

for you are no longer at war

His demons no longer the enemy

No one ever tells you the difficulty that exists

In the journey of choosing yourself

after you have given all you have

to the someone you thought

was going to be the one

the uncertainty in every decision

a constant companion

if you were wrong about him

are you wrong about everything?

a difficulty that exists in smallest parts of your life

a simple word that has you cowering in fear

habits that you now spend years learning to reject

all while trying to honor the love you shared

but leave behind the person you were with him

not out of shame or anger

but to learn how to love again

to open up the gates your heart

without letting the your new parts run free

and after some time you finally find it

you find the love that you always dreamed of

the love that you thought you would never have

but your past will still linger, the difficulty transforming

a fear that always lurks in the back of the mind

a fear that this love will not last

a fear that you chose wrong

the wrong place to give your love

the wrong person to entrust with your heart

the deepest fear, the one that you refuse to acknowledge

the fear that you will lose yourself again

all that you rebuilt, the scaffolds and stents you placed

the lifelines and lamentations

through tears spilt on flowers around the world

but maybe the rooted fear

is not that you will lose yourself in this love

but that you do not trust yourself

to keep yourself whole with this love

- pk